Getting fit but not fitting in

The time until the triathlon starts is ticking away, less than three weeks. It had felt like it was so far away for months, but now it feels like the time is flying by and my nerves and excitement are running at full steam. I should feel pretty confident, I’ve been training hard. I don’t. I just can’t get the feeling of the last leg of the duathlon out of my mind. That was just so difficult and defeating. I’m definitely readying for the triathlon in a better and healthier manner. I’m taking nothing for granted. My swimming is getting stronger, my cycling is still my biggest strength, and my runs are getting better. Yet I still feel like I’m out of my league. Maybe that’s due to 39 years of self doubt and believing all the people who surrounded my life in negativity. The majority of people I have met in my local running community have been really amazing. However, for me, being a large person in the athletic community is very difficult. Most running stores don’t carry my size of clothing. If they do have something in a xxl, the fit is not what a person who regularly wears that size would expect. I constantly feel as if I don’t belong. I feel like people are always looking at me and questioning why I am there. If not for my amazing and supportive wife and the great people at my local running store (Big River Running Company) I don’t know if I’d still be out there, but I am. Every day I’m out there, swimming, biking, running, hiking, chasing around my three year old or our dog. I feel like I’m in a race with the person I want to be and that person is ahead of me but I’m closing the gap. I’m getting closer. Look at me all you want. Some may not think I belong, may not consider me an athlete, think what you’d like. I don’t really care. I’m not out here for you or your acceptance, I’m chasing that other me that’s running up ahead. I’m gonna catch that guy. I may not look like a runner, but I am. I may not look like a triathlete, but I’m about to be one!

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This entry was posted in Body Image, Cycling, Running, Swimming, Triathlon and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Getting fit but not fitting in

  1. I’ve had the same problems re. clothing it’s very disheartening to either struggle to find anything to fit or to have to buy ridiculously sized clothing. I have even had to buy men’s running shorts as I cannot (i) fit in and (ii) have no wish to fit in the tiny shorts offered to women. It’s time “larger” competitors were acknowledged and the world realised that you don’t have to be thin to be fit and healthy. Keep at it and good luck with your triathlon 🙂

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